Monkey, Monkey, chew the butter

how do you say butter in Spanish?

2004-09-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

Oh, man. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I got thrown in jail for prostitution. It's not the first time, either, but in the past I haven't really gotten in any trouble. This time, shit, I think I'm really screwed. They let me out on bail (3 sticks of butter) but I have to go back to court to get my trial date. I'm thinking about leaving town and heading for Mexico.

withdrawal

2004-09-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry about that post earlier. I was coming down and, well, I just needed some more butter. I'm getting a little worried about my butter intake. When I first started, all I needed was a little teaspoon. Now I'm up to three sticks a day. Three. I suppose it could be worse. My pimp has three sticks before breakfast.

Maybe I should talk about my pimp, in case the wrong people are reading.

I had a fix earlier, so now I'm feeling better. Good thing, too, since my whoring shift starts in 20 minutes.

BUTTER!

2004-09-01T12:59:00.000-07:00

BUTTER! GIVE ME BUTTER, YOU BASTARDS! WHY MUST YOU KEEP ME FROM MY BELOVED BUTTERY GOODNESS?!?!

OH, TO BE SWIMMING IN THE JUICES OF MELTED BUTTER! OOOOOOOOH!

butterholics anonymous

2004-08-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I whored for butter, but didn't have very good luck. I whored for a while downtown, but all I got were a couple of those butter packets they give you in restaurants. Those never last me long. This morning I woke up with the wrappers stuck to various parts of my body, my mouth glistening with the remnants of my butter overload.

Sometimes I worry that I consume too much butter. I don't want to overdose. That happened to my friend Barb. Although I'm not sure they classified it as overdose, because they found her face down in a tub of Land O' Lakes. So I guess it'd be more like drowning, since they found butter in her lungs.

Can you imagine? What a waste.

I could have used that butter.

would you pass the butter?

2004-08-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

This is my first post. My name is Lester. I'm a monkey. I'm about to go out and whore myself for some butter. Butter is my life. I like to chew it. No. I LOVE to chew it. Sometimes when I am chewing it I sing this song:

Monkey, monkey, chew the butter,
Monkey, monkey chew the butter.

It's not a very long song. But I like it.

I hope people read this. I think my butter escapades are fun and I want to share them with the world.

If anyone is interested, I'll post some of the best ways to whore for butter. It's not that hard. Except during the summer, because the butter sometimes melts while you're out whoring for more butter.

I hate that.